Grieving During the Holidays: Permission to Do It Differently
The holidays have a way of making an empty chair feel even emptier. The music, the gatherings, the traditions that once felt warm can suddenly feel like a reminder of who is missing.
In more than ten years as a hospice social worker, I sat with many families heading into their first holiday season after a loss. One thing I learned: there is no "right" way to get through it. There is only the way that works for you this year.
You're allowed to change the plan. You don't have to host because you always have. You can shorten the visit, skip the party, or leave early. Traditions can pause and return later.
Decide ahead, not in the moment. Grief is unpredictable. Have a simple plan for each gathering: who you'll sit near, how you'll get home, and a phrase for when you need a break ("I'm going to get some air").
Make room for the person you lost. Some families light a candle, cook a favorite dish, or share one story at the table. Others prefer something quiet and private. Both are okay.
Expect mixed feelings. You may laugh and feel guilty for laughing. You may feel relief and sadness at once, especially after a long illness. Feelings can sit side by side.
Lower the bar. Fewer decorations, store-bought sides, gift cards instead of shopping. Your energy is already going somewhere important.
Tell one person what you need. People often want to help but don't know how. "Can you say Mom's name at dinner?" or "Can you check on me that evening?" gives them a way in.
I’d be glad to talk with you. You can schedule a free 15-minute consultation or check your insurance using the buttons below.
If you’re in crisis, call or text 988 to reach the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline.
Comments